you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
