He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
