It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
