How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
