You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
