are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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