i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
