I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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