my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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