Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
