we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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