in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
