ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
