I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My cat gives me a boner
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize