i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
