If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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