so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
