i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
