he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
