I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
