What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
