The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
