didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think i have two assholes
I intend to get homeless drunk
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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