So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
