Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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