just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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