Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Pooping to opera.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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