My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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