Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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