I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
