Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
