okay pat passed out under dana's car
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
