He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
