wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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