I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
