everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
