i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
