You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
