No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
