Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize