i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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