Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
