Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
