My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize