The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
