i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
