Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
