I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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