Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
