What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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