did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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