I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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