i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
