he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
