i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
