your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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