We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
