if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize