Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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