so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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