Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sarcasm needs its own font
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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