you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
