is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
