Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
