Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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