gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize