I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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